So I’ve had a lot of experience dealing with abusive people over the years and lately I’ve been considering it from several angles.
If you haven’t read my earlier piece, read Dealing With Verbal Abuse.
Unfortunately, there is a whole other element that I’ve been looking at because I notice how pervasive abuse is towards different groups (past & present): females, blacks, LGBT, Hispanic, Muslims, Jews, and so on.
I’ve been looking at:
- How did we get here?
- How did we get to the point that it was considered okay to mistreat people?
- How do I play a role in this process?
Let me tell you what an eye-opener it is to really look at these questions, which I have been considering for years and quite frankly decades.
We’ve learned that abuse is okay because it happens. We grow up with it. We experience it. We see it happening to others and on some level we experience it (even if we aren’t aware).
And here’s the real kicker…
WE LEARN TO BE ABUSIVE TOWARDS OURSELVES.
We learn to attack ourselves verbally, minimizing ourselves, including our bodies and our feelings. And we learn to feel shame and guilt.
Ask yourself:
- How many times have I attacked myself verbally?
- How many times have I discounted myself?
- How many times have I shamed myself?
We mentally barrage ourselves daily in the hopes that we will improve or because it’s a habit.
And the self-abuse takes its toll.
A while ago, I noticed how many mean things I say to myself. I realized that I needed to take a different approach. I needed to be my best friend, mother, sister, and more all rolled into one.
I’ve been watching what I think and changing my thought patterns about myself (for years). And this has helped tremendously.
Awareness is the first step to changing the self-abuse. Then the internal dialogue can change.
How can you be kinder to yourself? How can you create the inner peace that you so crave? I would love to hear your thoughts on this, so feel free to share below.